The Purse Foundation: Helping educate young people about domestic violence

Her friend’s murder gave her the strength to escape abuse and inspired her to help others be free
 

By Erika Lee

 

Nova and I met in college when she tried out for a dance team of which I was a member. On the day of try outs, I was responsible for recording everyone who was auditioning for the team.  I remember recording Nova. Watching her dance was breathtaking. Nova had a style about her that was unique.

Needless to say, she made one of the finest dance teams on the campus at Illinois State University. The dance team was like a family. We spent several hours every week with each other practicing for events. I remember when Nova and I went shopping for pajamas for our dance team’s fashion show. Nova and I had to model in kiddy pajamas. The skit was about us being kids who did not want to go to sleep.  In the skit, you could see the mom putting us to bed and as she walked out the room, the music came on and Nova and I jumped on our beds, laughed and danced.  As the mother returned to find us awake and out of our beds, she waved a belt in front of us.  We quickly jumped back in our beds to avoid the punishment. 

 Quite often, this memory of Nova replays over and over in my head.  When I reflect upon my own childhood, I remember life with no real worries or burdens.  I also think about how Nova’s son Noah will never experience having his mother come in his room and hug him or hear her say goodnight. 

 Nova and her daughter Ava were found shot to death in her apartment. Her son Noah was found asleep in a chair covered with blood stains from possibly trying to awake his mother and infant sister. Nova’s ex-boyfriend was arrested for the murders and is currently awaiting trial.

The shocking news of Nova’s death made me reflect upon the relationship I was in. No one intends to be in an abusive relationship, but I was in denial that I was even in one.  I did not realize that walls were being created to keep me held in bondage and at the mercy of my abuser. My relationship with my abuser was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. I thought I had met the one. He was charming, attentive, and caring. After much time had been invested in the relationship, those qualities I thought he possessed, no longer existed. He turned into someone I didn’t know, someone he never showed me—his true self.

 I had mistaken him choosing my clothes for me, as his way of caring about me. I had mistaken him telling me that certain people were not my friends as his way of looking out for my best interest. I had mistaken him keeping me away from all the activities I was involved in as his way of showing me that he loved spending time with me. I had mistaken him asking me to leave my job as his way to be a provider for me. I had mistaken him constantly calling me when I was away from the house, as his way of making sure no one had harmed me.  I did not know the red flags or warning signs of a possible abusive person or relationship.  I had never seen an abusive relationship growing up and never thought it would be something I would ever encounter....

To read the entire story, click on the photo to read The Well Magazine.

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Freedom from Domestic Violence

One mother's mission to teach and save others from her tragedy

 

By Monica Fountain

 

 

I’ve had a 3 years of confusion, frustration, and exhaustion. But along with that have come many blessings received and given. It seems like just yesterday I was calling you to tell you that I was on my way to come do your hair and help get the kids ready. As usual I had a last minute change in schedule but when I tried to call you back I got no answer.  Being the persistent mom that I am, I decided that I was coming anyway, maybe you were just out at the store.—a letter from Yolan  Henry to her daughter, written on the anniversary of her death.

 

Yolan Henry will never forget the day her daughter died-- January 24, 2009. She doesn’t talk about it every day. But it is always there.

Sitting in a suburban coffee shop, tears well up in her eyes as she describes her daughter, Nova, her shining star.

“I try to put it aside so that I’m not thinking about her every single day but I can’t help it,” Henry said. “I just loved her. That was my daughter.”

 I’ll see you later, Mom

 Opening the door to your house changed my life forever in the worse way! I try not to see that door but it’s always there. I just know that God opened his door as well and took you and Ava to live with him.

 

Noah knows this too. That’s what I’ve told him.  I’m sorry that you had to encounter such a demon that couldn’t understand your light that shone so bright, that’s why your Name was NOVA (SUPERNOVA: THE BRIGHTEST SHINING STAR!)…and Ava…I guess she was just here for a short while to come and get you cause God saw your pain and struggles, and he said NO MORE.

 Her name said it all. Nova. Supernova. A star. She was beautiful. She loved to dance. She loved to have fun. She was a mother who loved her children. She was her mother’s firstborn child.

Henry was a teenage mother. She found out she was pregnant her last semester of her senior year in high school.

“I just had to have her and let my life go on from there,” she said. “Nova was very fun loving. She loved music. She loved to dance. When she was a baby she always would just get up and dance for me and make me laugh.”

Life went on. Henry got married and had a son and another daughter. Her marriage ended after 25 years. Henry said her marriage relationship was abusive. She thought because they didn’t fight in front of the children that they didn’t see it, hear it or were affected by it.

Now that her daughter is gone, a fatal victim of domestic violence, she thinks different.

To read more click on the photo and read the full article in The Well Magazine Summer 2012

 

 

 

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