Healing from Self Hatred

She believed lies about herself until she found healing in God's Truth

By Beverly Moore

 

Lord help me. I live with this deep-seated inner hate for myself that manifests every time I experience failure or rejection. Father, in the name of Jesus I look to You to help me; I keep failing to measure up. I really do need You Lord and I need the power of Your Holy Spirit to enable me to cast out this demon of self-hate.

 

This is a prayer I wrote after experiencing a setback.

Many of us have been bamboozled, hoodwinked and duped into believing lies about ourselves from the enemy of our souls, the Devil, without even realizing it. I used to think that when I heard these negative words coming up from myself that it was me, but I have come to discover that they are suggestive thoughts from the enemy using my voice as a channel and once I open the door through acceptance these negative voices take residence.

 For most of my life I have struggled with self-loathing or self-hatred. You may ask how can anyone hate themselves but it is a very real problem that stems from internal damage to the self-esteem and lack of self-worth.

I know the damage took place at an early age and has shown itself into adulthood. I also know that at the root of self-loathing is rejection. As a child I was teased, for being overweight, couple that with family dynamics which included divorce; both caused me to be deeply wounded with a sense of emotional abandonment.

Sociology teaches us that a child’s identity starts at home with the family and as a child develops their peers, school, and community play a pivotal role in formation. As one of my professors Dr. Reginald Blount notes, “These socializing forces are conversation partners in identity formation.”

If a person in development experiences trauma along the way, without a proper response of positive faith-filled reinforcement, the damage germinates into a healthy dose of low self-esteem. I am not writing this to place blame on my family or community but I do hope we recognize the power of our voices in helping to shape a child’s identity, the power of our voices in helping them fulfill their God-given purpose.

As a result my soul (mind, will and emotions) were murdered at a very young age with words; words that my socializing forces at the time did not consider lethal, but because of it, I struggled to see myself differently. I can honestly say that this problem has impacted every area of my life and one of the physical manifestations of its roots was my weight.

 

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

How incredible to think that the Creator of the universe thinks of you. That the Almighty God who spoke the world and creation into existence has a plan for you and a purpose. That He not only thinks about you—a speck of dust in the vast universe—but He has loving thoughts toward you.

The Great I Am placed you on purpose at this time and in this space and in this place as a part of His plan and purposes for His glory and His story.

You are not a mistake. You are fearfully and wonderfully made for such a time as this. You are God’s masterpiece, His work of art, His handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good work that God already had in mind for you to do.

He knows the plans He has for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope.

Jehovah cares for you and invites you to cast your cares on Him. He cares so much and has taken so much care in creating you that He has individually numbered your hairs. He doesn’t just know how much hair you have. He has assigned a number to each strand.

He bottles every tear and He’s never closer than when your heart is broken.

He hears your faintest cry.

He listens and He speaks.

The Ancient of Days

The Almighty God

Deliverer

My God

He loves you. He loves you so much that you cannot even comprehend it.

The depth, the breadth, how profound His love is for you.

So great is His love that He sent His only son to suffer and die for you.

So much that Jesus took off divinity and put on humanity to walk among us and become our High Priest who understands us.

So much that Jesus conquered Death so that we could have eternal life.

So much that this great God wants you to be His friend and family.

It’s overwhelming and incredible to contemplate.

This great God, this awesome God.

My Father. Our Father.

The Refiner's Process: Conclusion

This is the final installment of a message given in May at the Pembroke Fellowship Church Mother/Daughter Banquet. To read the first three parts, click on the links below.

The Refiner's Process

The Refiner's Process: Formation
The Refiner's Process: Refinement

The Purpose of the Process

 The process will make you or break you. It will make you bitter or it will make you better.

The pain and the process has a purpose. The ultimate purpose of your affliction is to see God and for you to look like Jesus. The purpose of the refining process is to teach you God’s principles.

 

Principle

God wants to teach you a principle during your process.

 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. Psalm 119:71.

 You can wallow in pity or you can learn the principle.  What are some principles God teaches you during the process?

 

·         The Lord will provide.

·         He hears our cries.

·         He’s close to the broken hearted.

·         Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.

·         He has plans for me. Plans to give me a future and a hope.

·         Even if He doesn’t deliver me from this fiery furnace, God is able. He’s able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above what I can ask or think.

·         God loves me.

·         God is with me.

·         God is worthy of the praise, even in the press of the process.

 

Praise

The process produces praise.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7

 Presence and Power

The process assures us of God’s presence and demonstrates His power.

“I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.'" Zechariah 13:9

Promotion

And then the purpose of the process is to give you a promotion.

 

For you, God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

11You brought us into prison

and laid burdens on our backs.

12You let people ride over our heads;

we went through fire and water,

but you brought us to a place of abundance. Psalm 66:10-12

 

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you, (settle you, place you on a firm foundation). 1 Peter 5:10

 

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

 

Promise

That’s why you don’t lose heart. Because the process comes with a promise. That’s why you don’t have to give up. Because your process will be complete.

What God starts, He finishes. He completes. In fact, the Lord has already finished whatever He started because He is the Alpha and the Omega. The beginning and the end. On the cross, Jesus said, “It is finished. Process complete. Three days later he got up with all power in His hands. He was promoted because now he is sitting at the right hand of God, making intercession for us. Don’t lose heart. You can go through the process because Jesus went the process and He finished.

You are valuable to God and He has a purpose for your life. God can’t shine through us until He has refined us. The purpose of the process is for you to reflect the light of the Son. Your brilliance comes from the Son, not the SUN, but the SON. The moon that shines so brightly in the sky at night is not really shining of its own power. It’s just a big rock. The moon is simply reflecting the sun’s energy and power.

 Philippians 2:13 says, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” The Message Bible puts it this way: That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.

 In the book of Revelation, John uses imagery to give us a picture of the New Jerusalem where God will live with His people. There will be no need for the sun or moon because God himself will be the light.

The Bride, the wife of the Lamb, is described as a precious jewel. The Church, those who believe in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ and call Him Lord and Savior, is the bride of Christ. Jesus is the bridegroom. We are the bride of Christ. If you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, accept him today. Believe on him today so that you can live with God for eternity. If you’ve believed on him, don’t despise the process. Know that there is a purpose and He’s preparing you. He’s refining you. He wants his precious jewels to reflect his brilliance.

 So let your light so shine that others may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven. (Matthew 5:16).

The Refiner's Process: Refinement

This is an excerpt from a message given at the Pembroke Fellowship Church Mother/Daughter Banquet in May. To read the first two parts, click on the links below.


The Refiner's Process

The Refiner's Process: Formation

Once a diamond or a precious stone has been mined, it has to be refined. Refinement is defined as: The process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance. To improve or perfect by pruning or polishing; to free from what is coarse, vulgar, or uncouth; elevate.

 

The value of a diamond is determined by the 4C’s--color, clarity, cut and carat.

                               

Color—Diamonds come in every color and shape and so do God’s precious gems. You don’t have to be a size 2 with hair flowing down your back to be beautiful and brilliant. God made each of us beautiful and unique in our own way. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

 Clarity—The clarity of a diamond is its purity. How many flaws or imperfections are in the stone. We’ve all been marred by sin. Sin clouds us. Sin is impurity. Un-confessed sin blocks intimacy with God. If you’re going to shine, you have to remove the sin from your life.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

 

The Refiner's Process: Formation

Part 2 of a message given in May during the Pembroke Fellowship Church Mother/Daughter Banquet.

A gem is a naturally occurring material desirable for its beauty, valuable in its rarity, and

sufficiently durable to give lasting pleasure. Today in gemology, there are four gems or stones that are labeled “precious”: rubies, diamonds, emeralds and sapphire. The other stones are called semi-precious.

 

The chemical composition determines what kind of gem is produced. For example, a diamond is formed from carbon. Rubies are composed of aluminum, oxygen and chromium. The process that the mineral goes through determines whether you get a precious gem or a rock.

 

You see there’s a difference between a rock and a ruby. There’s a difference between a stone and a sapphire.

 

You don’t just find gems lying on the street. Gems have to be mined and refined. You find gems hidden under ground because they are formed beneath the earth’s surface. Rare gems have to be formed. A jewel has been through a process that makes it valuable. Three things go into that process and they are the same things that go into forming you into God’s precious gem.

 

Searching for God

Her search for love led her to the love of the true and living God

By Latasha Williamson

When I was a little girl, I truly loved the Lord. I would pray every night and every day. I was raised in the church.

 I also genuinely loved people. I can remember meeting people and they would ask me, what do you want to be when you grow up and I would say with a big smile, “Me and my husband are going to go to Africa to save all the starving people.” I was very serious because I believed with all my heart that was my purpose.

As I began to grow, I was very much in tune with the feelings of others. Somehow, I would always know what someone was thinking and if they were sad or happy. It was as if something from the inside of them was speaking to my mind. For a long time, I didn’t know how to handle others feelings and emotions, especially when they were sad, distraught or troubled.

 I had to grow up fast. My parents divorced. My mother found herself a single mother with five children to raise. I was the oldest. At an early age, I had to help raise my sisters, which I felt took away from my childhood. There was a void inside of me that I tried to fill by looking for love in all the wrong places. I tried to fill the void with promiscuity and partying.

 My issues were spiraling out of control. I was having sexual relationships with different men, drinking excessively and partying. My mother and I stayed at odds. My junior year of high school, she sent me to live with my father. My father, who was an ordained pastor,  supported me and began teaching me about God. My deepest desire was to know the one and only living God.

I began a search to find this God that led me down a dangerous road to New Age religion.

When I went to college for my undergraduate degree, I attended church sporadically. Things in my life continued to get worse. By the time I was in graduate school, I stopped attending church all together.  I had decided to forget about Christianity and Jesus. I wanted a new way of life. I wanted to know the one and only living God. I had a big void in my life and I was searching for fulfillment. I just assumed that I tried Jesus and He wasn’t enough.

The Refiner's Process

This post is taken from a speaking engagement this May in Bradley, Illinois. The occasion was a Mother/Daughter Banquet hosted by the Pembroke Fellowship Church of Pembroke, Illinois. The theme was Women Reflecting God's Brilliance.

Scripture References:

Revelation 21: 9-11; 22-23

2 Corinthians 4: 7-9; 16-18

Isaiah 48:10

  
Ladies, you’re a gem. Like the New Jerusalem, the bride of Christ, you are a precious jewel. You’re more precious than rubies. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are God’s masterpiece, his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for you to do. You are valuable to God.

As a matter of fact, you’re so valuable and God loved you so much that He gave His only begotten Son to die for you. He loves you so much that He has prepared a place for you. He loves you so much that He wants to have a relationship with you and fellowship with you. He has counted every hair on your head and bottled every tear that you have cried. He loves you so much that he has plans and a purpose for you. Plans to prosper you and to give you a future and a hope.

But to be the jewel that you are, God, Our Refiner, has to put you through the process. To make you shine, like you were designed to shine, you have to be formed and fashioned, made and molded. 

This is for the Dark-Skinned Sistas

This is For the Dark-Skinned Sistas

Dec. 2003

 

By Monica Fountain

 

This is for the dark-skinned sistas

The chocolate wonders

The brown bombshells

 

This is for the one

Who was told don’t drink coffee

It’ll make you black

Make me black?

What is that?

As if I could be more black

As if just the color of my skin

Made me black

If coffee makes me black

Bring it on Joe

Give me a Starbucks grande double latte espresso

 

This is for the sister who was told

Don’t wear yellow

That’s too bright

Forget about red

You’re too dark

Black as night

Leave that for the light-skinned sista

With the long hair

As if my blackness was something to

Fear

 

This is for the sista

Made to feel less than by the

Brother

Who in amazement thought

He was giving you props

When he said,

“You’re sure cute to be so dark.”

 

Browner than a bag to a hue

As black as midnight blue

 

My dark sista

My ebony sista

My chocolate sista

Here’s to you

 

For your strength and the

Beauty of your dark tones

The orange in your skin

The browns, the golds

You are beautiful

With your big broad nose

And your nappy hair

In them big cornrows

Or precision pressed to straightness

Or permed to perfection to let the

Natural go

In dreadlocks or braids

Twists or curls

This is for you little black girl.

From the Editor--Spring 2013

With His Stripes

 

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes we are healed.  Isaiah 53:5

 

What would your sign say? What is the thing that you need healing from? Is it physical? Is it emotional?  Is it a pain from the past that won’t go away?

Too many of us are the walking wounded, never exposing our pain. Hiding behind a mask. We anesthetize ourselves with alcohol or drugs. We search for love in all the wrong places and too many faces. Searching and trying to fill a void that only our Father can fill.

Whatever your issue, whatever the problem, God is willing and able to heal you. God wants to heal your body, soul and spirit. Your Heavenly Father wants you to be free.

This issue of The Well Magazine is dedicated to stories of healing. The women on the cover and those who share their stories within these pages have been healed. But the healing goes beyond the physical or a temporary, feel good fix. They have been healed by the blood of Jesus.

The blood of Jesus paid the price for all of our sins and that’s the true sickness that is at the heart of every issue.

We will all eventually die. Since Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden, we are destined to meet death. Because of sin there is death and disease. Because of sin there is dysfunction.  Because of sin, we have a distorted image of ourselves and God.

But because of the second Adam, Jesus Christ, we can have eternal life with God. When Jesus walked this earth, he healed the sick, showing his power over disease and demons. When he died on the cross and rose from the grave, he showed his power over death. When we trust in what Christ did on the cross and believe that God has raised him from the dead, we are healed from the power of sin and death, brought into a right relationship with our Heavenly Father and have eternal life with Him.

Before we go into eternity, however, God wants us to have life here and more abundantly. One of the ways that we can do that is by sharing our stories with transparency as the contributors of this issue have so that others can experience the love, freedom and forgiveness found in Christ.